


Reaching for the Intangible Future

by osmalic



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Community: blind_go, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-20
Updated: 2009-09-20
Packaged: 2017-10-13 15:12:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/138716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/osmalic/pseuds/osmalic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akira goes on a trip with Shindou to Innoshima. It's May 5.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reaching for the Intangible Future

**Author's Note:**

> For Blind Go's May 5 theme.

Akira tries very hard to think of a day when Shindou shows up to an appointed meeting time before him, but it's too early—even for _Akira_ —and it makes his head hurt. Shindou catches sight of him and grins. "C'mon!" he says cheerfully, grabbing Akira's sleeve and tugging him to the train station. "We have a train to catch."

Akira tries to ask him about their mystery destination, but Shindou starts blabbering something about a long ride and buying a bento, and that reminds him, he forgot about lunch. "Hey," Shindou adds thoughtfully, oblivious to Akira's sputtering, "can you pay for my bento?

It's only ten minutes into the ride when Akira finally blurts out, "We're going to _Hiroshima?"_

Shindou only nods distractedly. "Seemed like a good time for it. Hey, d'you wanna play?" He brings out his tiny magnetic _go_ board, the one that Akira always privately thinks is too small for their hands, but it's a way to pass the time. They spend the next hour in silence, only commenting on their moves, until Shindou makes an off-hand comment about Akira's attack, and Akira knows _that's_ a stupid comment, and then they're arguing again.

They almost get off on the wrong station because Akira's distracted by their fifth game and Shindou's distracted by the advertisement about the nice type of octopus found, but finally, Shindou looks around and says, "This is it," and hauls Akira out of the door.

They take a bus, then a boat to Innoshima, and Akira can't say he wasn't expecting this for the past few hours. Only he wasn't expecting Shindou's uncharacteristic silence on the way to the island.

"Have you been here before?" Akira finally asks.

Shindou turns to him distractedly, as if he's forgotten he's there. "Huh?" Then he smiles. "Yeah. Uh, couple of times."

Akira nods, thinks he should ask for more information, but they're being asked to get off the ferry. "Where should we go now?" he asks awkwardly, hoisting his messenger bag on his shoulder. He thinks irrationally that he should have brougth some water.

Shindou's looking around, and he takes a deep breath as if he's getting ready. "There's a Shuusaku museum nearby," he says.

Akira almost says, _"I know,"_ but he only shrugs. "Lead the way."

Shindou does, even though Akira has already been there before already for the go club trip years before, and another time with his father, but this feels different. As they walk, Shindou says, "You remember that game I had against Ko Yeongha last week?"

Akira frowns. "The Hokuto Cup?"

Shindou nods. He won't turn to Akira. "Yeah," he says. Then, louder, he yells, "I sure showed him then, didn't I!"

Akira rolls his eyes. "Yeah, and he should see you now," he says sarcastically. "He'll _really_ be impressed."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shindou screeches, and Akira takes the opportunity to raise his phone and capture his companion's unflattering picture, complete with his red face and wind-swept hair.

He shows it to Shindou, who chases him, yelling, "I can't believe you even know how to use a cellphone, you monk boy!"

 _"You're_ the one who insisted I learn," Akira shoots back, snorting.

They're quieter when they reach the museum, although Shindou gives Akira at least one more childish shove and Akira gives him one final scowl before they go around the shrine. There are _goban_ and other memorabilia, notes that Akira stops to read while Shindou looks around. He's finished admiring some of the _kifu_ , all of which he already knows by heart, when he turns to see Shindou talking to one of the old ladies. Akira frowns, wondering if his companion has gotten into trouble again when Shindou turns and beckons to him.

"You finished?" Shindou asks when he's nearer. He gestures to the old lady. "This is Miyabe-san, she's one of the curators and caretakers."

Akira and Miyabe-san exchange bows, and Akira takes this opportunity to ask about the copy of the _kifu._ The woman tells him that they sell a copy as a souvenir at the entrance, but Shindou interrupts rudely, "Hey, man, I really want to go outside."

Akira sends him a glare, trying to convey, _You're being rude,_ but Miyabe-san only nods.

"I've been cleaning the grave," Miyabe-san tells Shindou, smiling. "You'd best pay your respects."

"Yeah," Shindou says, grinning, and before he knows it, Akira is following Shindou out the door and into the back.

Akira knows that Shuusaku's grave is there, but he's always viewed it with a kind of detachment, someone who's observing an artifact that has survived through time. He's surprised when Shindou takes a bucket of water, cleaning the headstone. Despite his love for _go,_ Akira has never thought of Shuusaku as an ancestor.

"Why are you doing this?" he blurts out.

He quickly regrets it when Shindou turns to him with a strange look. "To pay my respects, " he says, as if it's the most obvious answer.

"But you've never—" At this, Akira clamps his mouth shut, but he stands back and watches as Shindou pours water over the grave. He doesn't know why but it feels like Shindou is a little boy cleaning his ancestor's grave in hopes of asking for something. He keeps quiet.

When he finishes, Shindou bows his head for a few minutes, and Akira holds his breath, looks away guiltily. He wonders if Shindou is trying to tell him something, and it makes Akira uncomfortable but also giddy. In some ways, he thinks he should have expected this, and he knows he should respect Shindou's silence, but it also terrifies him to think that maybe Shindou trusts him _this much_ already.

When Shindou finishes, he stays quiet for a few minutes, and Akira waits for him for a long time, holding his breath for Shindou to start talking.

When Shindou turns to him, though, what he says is, "I'm hungry. Let's eat ramen."

"Ramen!" Akira bursts out, feeling silly and annoyed at the same time. "We're here as tourists and you just want to get _the same thing."_

Shindou only shrugs. "There's this place near the pier..."

They bid Miyabe-san goodbye, stopping only long enough for Akira to pay for the _kifu_ that the woman hands to him by the door. The walk through the paths is slow, but Akira finds himself studying Shindou intently. He wonders about the suddenness of this trip, and it makes him want to ask about it, but it also makes him...cautious.

Shindou catches him staring and scowls. "What are you staring at?"

Akira rolls his eyes. "Childish," he proclaims, then, _"Ow!"_ when Shindou hits his head. He's about to say more, when Shindou speaks up,

"What do you think this place looked like a hundred fifty years ago?"

Akira frowns, because it's so unlike Shindou to think of the past; he's always emphasized that he lives for the here and now. "Um. No cars? And less people?" he hedges. Then, more confidently, "There'll definitely be more boats."

Shindou nods. "I was thinking there would be more kids," he says. "I mean, I keep looking around and I always think that I hardly see any kids, you know? But then I remember, d'you think it was like that a hundred years ago? Wasn't there a cholera outbreak?"

It's a day full of surprises. Akira watches him closely. "Does this have anything to do with..."

"Oh!" Shindou interrupts brightly, pointing to a stand next to the road. "Here we are!"

They argue over their orders, then Shindou takes out his magnetic board again. It takes only a few minutes into the game for Akira to forget that they're in a public place, and he ends up throwing one magnetic stone, smirking when it hits Shindou's nose. Shindou makes an indignant yelp, then points out that his attack on the corner is stupid because if he waited for Shindou to cover at the other side, then Shindou would have been forced to defend it, abandoning the next stage. He emphasizes this by pinging the small magnetic stone between Akira's eyes.

There's a bunch of boys who've gathered around them, watching them in awe. Akira notices them and feels guilty, because his family has taught him better. "See what you've done," he hisses. "We're setting a bad example. And on this day too!"

Shindou rolls his eyes. "Yeah, because it's really going to ruin their childhood," he scoffs, already packing the board back into his knapsack. He eyes the kids. "You got nothing better to do?"

The boys scatter immediately, almost all of them whooping and dragging their kites.

They pay for the lunch and Shindou grins. "So, I was thinking I should bring you to meet Shuuhei-san."

"Shuuhei-san?" Akira blinks. "You have friends here?"

"Sure!" Shindou says cheerfully. "I've played him before, and I think he mentioned he'd like to play against you. You'll beat him easily, though. Although, I dunno, he's kind of a great player around here, so maybe he'll beat you. He's not so easy to beat. On second thought, maybe you'll lose—"

"Shindou," Akira interrupts patiently, resisiting the need to roll his eyes, "let's just go there."

"Yeah!" Shindou pumps the air.

Akira did _not_ expect to step into a seedy place that looks half-dead. "Shindou, this is..." He gulps, half-expecting people to start drawing swords or guns.

"It's a _go_ salon," Shindou says cheerfully. "Hey, I think I see Shuuhei over there..."

A large man comes up to him, and Akira takes an involuntary step back when the guy comes over to... _sweep Shindou into his arms._ "Shindou?!" he blurts out.

"Hey," the big man says, ruffling Shindou's hair despite his protests. "Hey, Shindou, thought you'd be coming here to gloat. We all saw that match on the internet. You really buried him, didn't ya?"

"He was bad-mouthing people who came from Hiroshima," Shindou replies cheerfully, even as he struggles to get away from the man's arms. "Had to show him somehow, didn't I?"

"That Korean kid never did look respectful to me," the man says thoughtfully. He turns to Akira. "And...hey. Hey, you finally made it down here!" He sounds pleased. Akira forces himself to bow and introduce himself, but the man only waves it away. "I already know who you are. We're all fans of _go_ here, and we all knew Shindou as soon as he walked in the door three years ago. I'm Shuuhei."

"Huh," Akira says, relaxing a little. "Um. Pleasure to meet you."

Shindou beams at him. "Hey, Shuuhei, Touya says he can beat your ass anytime—"

 _"What?!"_

"—you gonna let him?" There's a maniacal glint in Shindou's eyes, and oh no, Shindou actually is looking forward to this.

Shuuhei laughs. "I'll be honored to wipe this kid's nose on my board, if that's what you mean," he retorts, grinning at Akira to show it's only a joke. Or not. Akira's not entirely sure.

But Akira knows that this man is serious about _go,_ and after a few shouting and arranging of chairs, a board is placed before them. Akira and Shuuhei settle on opposite sides and _nigiri._ Akira gets white, and they game starts.

They gather a small audience, most of the old men shouting encouragements or advices, but Akira has managed to tune them out. Only a few minutes into the game and he already has five different strategies on the likely way to beat this man; surprisingly, it's the fifth choice that defeats Shuuhei.

The guy only shrugs, smiling. "That was great, but I expect that from a pro," he tells Akira.

Akira smiles back. "You're very good," he says sincerely. "Have you tried going pro?"

Shuuhei shakes his head. "Nah. Have a kid and family here; _go_ is just a hobby."

"And you play very well for someone who only plays for leisure and not his life," Akira tells him.

Shuhhei barks a laugh and turns to Shindou. "I like this kid, Shindou," he says.

Shindou rolls his eyes. "You like anyone who crushes you," he counters, then pushes back his sleeves, shoving Akira out of the way. "And I know you like me too, so _play me."_

Five games and three other opponents later, the crowd starts thinning out, some old men and some women excusing themselves to go home. Akira looks at his watch. "We have to leave if we're going to catch the last ferry and bus to the train station," he reminds Shindou.

Shindou wrinkles his nose, but he grabs his knapsack. "Fine. I'll see you soon!" he calls to everyone still in the salon. The patrons wave their goodbye, and Shuuhei offers to drop them off to the station, saying he has a car. Akira glances at Shindou, is surprised to see how the other boy declines the offer.

"I want to look at the place for a while before we leave," he says.

The ferry isn't close, but they take their time. Akira is surprised to find that their silence isn't awkward, more companionable. He's never thought of Shindou as silent. But this place seems to suit him, and his friend has a melancholic look on his face. He catches Shindou staring at some children passing by them, screaming and running.

"I almost never see them anymore," Shindou says. "Children, I mean."

"Hm," Akira agrees. "The birth rates are down, but it's more obvious in Tokyo."

"I keep wondering how we're going to keep going forward when there might be no one who's listening," Shindou says. "So then, what we doing, right? Last week, even last year, during the Hokuto Cup, I kept thinking that I'm gonna beat Yeong Ha because I want to say something to the future generation. But what do you do when you have all the words, but there's no one there to listen?"

Akira stays silent.

They board the ferry and Shindou starts telling him about how Waya looked so constipated last week. It leads to a discussion on whether America should be allowed to enter the Hokuto Cup now that they've expressed an interest, then they discuss the new Russian pro who's apparently a little old lady and how Ogata-san is hell-bent on beating her. They talk right on while in the bus, argue when they're buying tickets for the train, and Shindou falls asleep during halfway through one of their games. Akira packs up the board and stores it in Shindou's pack. He spends the rest of the trip watching Shindou thoughtfully.

When they're near their stop, Akira kicks Shindou's ankles, gesturing when Shindou swats him away. "We're almost here," he says.

There's not a lot of people in the station since it's already late, so they stop to buy drinks before they part ways.

Finally, Akira asks, "You're gonna tell me what that was all about, right? The entire trip? Whatever you were thinking about the entire day?"

Shindou is silent, but he takes a big gulp of his drink before he turns to face Akira. "You see, Touya," he begins, "I was thinking I should tell you all about it..."

Akira steels himself, clenching his fingers around the juice container in his hand.

"...but not today," Shindou finishes. Akira gives a small gasp, and Shindou laughs. "I showed you all these, and I realized that maybe it's not as important to you. Not yet, anyway. Maybe it's never going to be, and maybe it'll be okay. But when I start talking, you'd better be ready to listen."

"I'm ready now," Akira protests half-heartedly, but he knows that he's not ready to give up on this mystery yet. It still feels too soon, too sudden.

Shindou seems to agree because he shrugs. "No, you're not, but that's okay. I like keeping secrets for a whole lot longer." He laughs and adds, "And maybe keep Shuusaku to myself for a while."

"Shuusaku belongs to everyone," Akira says automatically.

But instead of getting riled up, Shindou only grins and agrees, "Yeah, I guess he does," in a way that says he doesn't entirely agree, but he doesn't want to say anything about it. "Anyway, we'll meet again on Monday in the Institute, okay?" He pauses, must've caught the expression on Akira's eyes because he goes on, "Just think of this as your vacation, okay? You're the one who needs it the most."

Akira wants to protest again, but he only nods. Shindou starts walking away. "You'd better bring me back next year, Shindou," he calls out, then hesitates, but he says it anyway, "It was fun."

Shindou looks at him, surprised, but it melts right into a blinding grin. "Yeah," he says loudly. "Of course it was fun, Touya, _I_ was around!" He waves as Akira sticks out his tongue to him.

Akira watches until Shindou disappears through the steps before he turns the other way, intent on going home. Shindou has always managed to surprise him, he thinks. It's one of the things that keeps the other boy so interesting.

But even so, Akira thinks maybe it's like a game of _go,_ an exchange of hands and a competition between two enemies who are also the world's closest friends. He wonders if future generations will understand this, then scoffs at himself. Of course they will. People always feel the need to connect, it's just the question of whether they'll choose to understand. It's strange and stunning to realize that Shindou, of all people, thinks about it.

And on Children's Day, of all days. It isn't bad, but Akira knows he's not at that level yet. And for him, _go_ still isn't a way to connect to the future. It's just a way to connect with other people.

Next year, though...well. Next year, Shindou had better start thinking about what he should say. Next year there'll be someone who's going to listen, someone who's going to look ahead and try to reach for an intangible future.

Because next year, Akira's going to be ready.


End file.
